Trey Gowdy, Republican Congressman from South Carolina, A.K.A.Dracco Malfoy, will chair a new House investigative committee to look into the Benghazi Scandal in a search for the truth and only the truth. John Boehner, the senior Malfoy said the investigation will be conducted without politics or partisanship entering into it. Gowdy actually referred to the committee’s work as a “trial.” His word. Just what happened in Benghazi? Who is to blame? What penalty should the guilty receive? Seven Congressional Committees have previously looked into the matter since that fateful night yet we know nothing of it apparently. 2,500 relevant documents will be reused to draw conclusions not supported by those documents.
House Minority Leader Nancy Pelosi, A.K.A. Professor Minerva McGonagal, said she remains undecided as to how to respond. There are rumors that Harry Potter and his friends from Griffendore may challenge Slitheren to a Quidditch match. Otherwise, dear Harry will be the leading attorney for the defense. Potter is slated to return from Olivander’s where he has been carefully selecting a new wand.
Sorting Hat will judge the tribunal that is sure to draw wizards and muggles alike to their televisions to follow this drama in the next few years. It is expected that the committee will finish its work in December of 2016, which coincidentally is just after the 2016 Presidential Election.
There are persistent rumors of some sort of return by He Who Must Not Be Named But Wizards across time and space deny that.
Headmaster Emeritus, Hogwarts
THIS HAS BEEN A WORK OF SATIRE, HUMOR, WITH THE PERCEPTION THAT TRUTH IS INDEED STRANGER THAN FICTION. NO MEMBERS OF CONGRESS, OR PRESIDENTS OR THE 47% WERE HARMED BY THIS EXPERIMENT IN MERRIMENT.